Have you ever been present when
someone (women especially) makes a definitive, matter-of-fact statement like ‘Nigerian men would not do that’ or ‘that’s an oyinbo thing. A Nigerian man
cannot do it’ or ‘Nigerian men are
this…or that’?
I’m guessing you have because we
hear it all the time.
I recently participated in a film
training where the dear facilitator was certain that no Nigerian man would die
for his partner the way Jack did for Rose in Titanic and I remember disagreeing with her. Of course I didn’t say
that all Nigerian men are eagerly waiting for a chance to be romantic heroes
who die to prove their undying love, I’ll tell you what I said to her in a little
bit but for now may I get into just a few stereotypes of the Nigerian man and
ascertain how true or false they are in reality.
I’ve heard Nigerian
men are not sacrificial; in other words, that Nigerian men are
self-centered. They say this selfishness plays out everywhere; from the living
room at disbursement-of
funds-for-house-keeping time to the bedroom at that-time-to-ignore-the-time time.
Is this true? Yes it is. Is it
false? You bet it is. And you know why
it is both, don’t you? Just as there are self-centered men in general and there
are also sacrificial loving men, so also are there self-centered Nigerian men
and very sacrificial altruistic Nigerians.
Somebody may argue that the selfish ones are more and hence the
stereotype. I’m not sure about that. But even if that’s in fact the case, I
daresay that amongst humans in general bad traits are more commonplace than
noble traits just as charcoal is more commonplace than gold. It is what it is.
Let’s see a few more specific
stereotypes.
1.
Nigerian men are not romantic. I used to think so too. I
thought that my father’s generation of Nigerian men didn’t treat their women
well and were particularly guilty of the lack-of-romance charge but as I grew
up and observed and listened I understood that most of them whose romance
appeared to be zilch were not always that way. Time, circumstances and age had
contrived to extinguish the flame. When many of these now elderly Nigerian men
were in their twenties, thirties and forties they were steamily romantic and
often downright naughty and mischievous (as some of us now are). I’ve seen
pictures and heard stories and I’m convinced of this.
Now who’s to say if any young man,
Nigerian or not, that now considers himself romantic will still be a passionate
and creative Romeo in his sixties, seventies, eighties…?
So what’s my judgement on this
stereotype? There may be a basis for it but it is still a false generalization from
where I stand.
2.
Nigerian
men don’t go down on their wives (partners). Excuse me…Sorry, I had to take
a second to laugh out loud! Now, honestly I really can’t say if this is true or
false because most of the Nigerian males I’ve talked to about this either claim
to have never done it or find it distasteful and unmanly. So maybe women have a
case here. Maybe. However, because of the few I know (most of them from the
younger generation) who see it as a critical item of the love-making agenda;
I’m unwilling to say this stereotype is true. So can I just abstain from voting
on this? Thank you.
3.
No Nigerian man would die for his
woman like Jack did for Rose
in Titanic!
First of all I do not think that Jack set out
to die for Rose. He did what he had to do to keep his girl comfortable even if
it caused him great discomfort. I choose to believe that somewhere at the back
of his mind he hoped against hope that help would come and they would all be
saved. He just died before help came. I’ve seen men, yes Nigerian men, rise for
ladies (young and old) in BRT buses. I’ve seen Nigerian husbands give their
wives regular use of the car while they take cabs and buses. So I know that
when push comes to shove such men will do the needful for the safety and security
of their women. If death is the consequence, so be it.
So you see…that’s just false. And
that’s exactly what I told my facilitator at the training I mentioned earlier.
I’m sure there are many more
stereotypes of the Nigerian man but hearing them I can already tell that most
of them are false. Am I biased? Maybe.
No comments:
Post a Comment