The Other Son

By Osita Egbubine

Jesus was quite the storyteller. His stories, in the form of parables were full of wisdom and wit. The gospels are replete with these stories of human strength and weakness, wisdom and foolishness, mercy and spitefulness. His stories cover the full length of the human condition. And yet, as profound as these stories are for bedtime and sermons, they are not always easy on the mind.

The parable of the prodigal son is one such example. Told masterfully in Luke 15, the story highlights three central characters and a particularly indiscreet servant. A young son wakes up one morning and decides that his Father’s house isn't exciting enough for his appetites so he asks for his portion of the inheritance and veers off into the Wild West where he spends his all, prodigally of course, until he becomes so wasted he feeds with swine. He comes to his senses at some point and returns to his Father who welcomes him with open arms and throws a feast in celebration. 

The older son, who has served his Father’s house dutifully all these years, returns from another day’s hard work and hears the music, stops in his tracks, calls a servant and asks what the noise is about. The servant tells him of his brother’s return and in an apparently mischievous attempt to rub salt on this older brother's hurting heart, he mentions the elaborate planning that the Father had put in to organizing this party. Broken, the older son refuses to go in and has to be met by the Father outside the house where the Father explains why the party had to hold.

As with each of Jesus’ parable, there is a lesson to be learned about the workings of God’s Kingdom. This parable highlights the message of Grace that is the hallmark of the Kingdom. It shows that the most lost amongst us can return home and find hands and hearts ready to receive and celebrate. There is no one too lost to be redeemed or too filthy to be embraced. That was the lesson we learned in Sunday school. 

As I grew older however, the parable seemed to bring me more questions than answers as my attention turned away from the younger son to the older one. It was impossible to not relate to his pain. He must have felt really saddened by the fact that he had never gotten as much attention and pleasure from his Father as his younger brother did that day. He had never dissed his father’s house, never wasted his Father’s resources and yet he had not enjoyed half as many benefits as his brother enjoyed on the day. I could see him crying outside, wondering if his years of service were worth it, if he would not have been better off doing what the younger son did. I could see me standing outside with him, walking with him through his motions of despair, telling him not to feel so distraught, while at the same time lost as to why the “good” son seemed to be the one on the losing end.

We all can see ourselves as one of these two sons at one point or the other. When we are the younger son, we are thrilled that we can always go back home and find mercy. When we are the older, we wonder why the Father’s mercy is so lavish. We are thrilled that when we stumble and fall, the Father’s hand is there to lift us up. We are saddened that another person seems to know an even greater level of mercy when they return home. We lie and are glad when we are forgiven on confession, yet we wonder why the thief is pardoned when he also repents. We commit fornication in our minds and ask mercy yet we wonder why the serial womanizer is so graciously pardoned when he repents. Therein is the mystery of grace which is able to lift the vilest offender and offend the noblest being. To enjoy grace without becoming bitter at another beneficiary or the benefactor, we must realise that it is God’s gift and it is His prerogative to dish it out as He deems fit. This is also the message from another parable- the parable of the workers in the vineyard (Matthew 20).

Now, more troubling for me was that when I looked at both sons, I could see myself more in the older son. Some people will never be riotous, rebellious or an offence. They love the Father and His house too much to drift away into the realms of flagrant, profane living. They, like the psalmist, would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. And yet, they occasionally feel as though those who are unfaithful are the winners. However, they don’t really lose anything by being in the Father’s house. We know this because He tells us that “in His presence is fullness of joy and at His right hand are pleasures for evermore”. It means then that there are no pleasures or joys to be enjoyed without His courts that cannot be enjoyed even more so within. How then, can those who remain faithful to the Father’s house not feel as though they have missed out on something exciting on the other side? How can they share in the joy when the lost return home and not feel threatened or short-changed?

There is another character in the story. He is the one I’d like to call The Other Son. Unlike all the other characters, He isn't in the story. He tells the story. He is Jesus, the First Son, who typifies the right relationship we should have with the Father and his other sons. Jesus didn't just serve the Father, he knew the Father. He understood the heartbeat of the Father; it was a beat for every one that was made in His image and likeness. He knew that the Father was not pleased that his creation was being lost daily to the enemy so he offered himself to be the one who brought the lost back home. By knowing the Father’s heart and offering himself to bring the Father’s deepest desires to pass, he has made a way for more lost sons to come back home, brought joy to the Father’s heart, and consequently obtained a status far greater than can be imagined. So he can not feel threatened by the other sons who come in nor can he be sad when the Father throws a party for each returning son. In fact, each returning son is another stone on his crown, another medal on his neck, another plaque in his cabinet. The Other Son is Greatness personified. And what’s more, he has offered us a chance to share in his greatness.

God’s kingdom has a hierarchy and the greater ones are those who serve others. True service in the Father’s Kingdom is impossible without knowledge of His heart. Had the older son paid attention to the Father’s heartbeat, he would have realised that his Father longed for his lost son and loved him with an unconditional love. And because love always speaks in actions, this older son could have embarked on a search for his lost brother and brought him home. His joy would have been magnified by the Father’s joy and he would have received a great crown for his works. 

Grace lets us into His presence; our acts of love in service enable us stand out there. We can share in Jesus’ greatness by continuing to serve God’s people, which is everyone by the way, in whatever way we can.

The quandary this story had me in is resolved now that I know that I lose nothing by staying faithful to His house. I can also look beyond the story to the storyteller to learn how I can stand tall in my Father’s house and partake, with joy, of every celebration that takes place when the lost ones return home. I am not like either of the sons in the story. I am like The Other Son.

Osita Egbubine is a lover of humankind. A certified international accountant/auditor, he likes to think of himself simply as a Son of God. He wrote in from the United Kingdom. You may follow him on Twitter @ositane.

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Re-examining the stereotype of the Nigerian Man

Have you ever been present when someone (women especially) makes a definitive, matter-of-fact statement like ‘Nigerian men would not do that’ or ‘that’s an oyinbo thing. A Nigerian man cannot do it’ or ‘Nigerian men are this…or that’?

I’m guessing you have because we hear it all the time.

I recently participated in a film training where the dear facilitator was certain that no Nigerian man would die for his partner the way Jack did for Rose in Titanic and I remember disagreeing with her. Of course I didn’t say that all Nigerian men are eagerly waiting for a chance to be romantic heroes who die to prove their undying love, I’ll tell you what I said to her in a little bit but for now may I get into just a few stereotypes of the Nigerian man and ascertain how true or false they are in reality.

 I’ve heard Nigerian men are not sacrificial; in other words, that Nigerian men are self-centered. They say this selfishness plays out everywhere; from the living room at disbursement-of funds-for-house-keeping time to the bedroom at that-time-to-ignore-the-time time.

Is this true? Yes it is. Is it false?  You bet it is. And you know why it is both, don’t you? Just as there are self-centered men in general and there are also sacrificial loving men, so also are there self-centered Nigerian men and very sacrificial altruistic Nigerians.  Somebody may argue that the selfish ones are more and hence the stereotype. I’m not sure about that. But even if that’s in fact the case, I daresay that amongst humans in general bad traits are more commonplace than noble traits just as charcoal is more commonplace than gold.  It is what it is.

Let’s see a few more specific stereotypes.

1.      Nigerian men are not romantic. I used to think so too. I thought that my father’s generation of Nigerian men didn’t treat their women well and were particularly guilty of the lack-of-romance charge but as I grew up and observed and listened I understood that most of them whose romance appeared to be zilch were not always that way. Time, circumstances and age had contrived to extinguish the flame. When many of these now elderly Nigerian men were in their twenties, thirties and forties they were steamily romantic and often downright naughty and mischievous (as some of us now are). I’ve seen pictures and heard stories and I’m convinced of this.

Now who’s to say if any young man, Nigerian or not, that now considers himself romantic will still be a passionate and creative Romeo in his sixties, seventies, eighties…?

So what’s my judgement on this stereotype? There may be a basis for it but it is still a false generalization from where I stand.

2.       Nigerian men don’t go down on their wives (partners). Excuse me…Sorry, I had to take a second to laugh out loud! Now, honestly I really can’t say if this is true or false because most of the Nigerian males I’ve talked to about this either claim to have never done it or find it distasteful and unmanly. So maybe women have a case here. Maybe. However, because of the few I know (most of them from the younger generation) who see it as a critical item of the love-making agenda; I’m unwilling to say this stereotype is true. So can I just abstain from voting on this? Thank you.

3.      No Nigerian man would die for his woman like Jack did for Rose in Titanic! 

    First of all I do not think that Jack set out to die for Rose. He did what he had to do to keep his girl comfortable even if it caused him great discomfort. I choose to believe that somewhere at the back of his mind he hoped against hope that help would come and they would all be saved. He just died before help came. I’ve seen men, yes Nigerian men, rise for ladies (young and old) in BRT buses. I’ve seen Nigerian husbands give their wives regular use of the car while they take cabs and buses. So I know that when push comes to shove such men will do the needful for the safety and security of their women. If death is the consequence, so be it.

So you see…that’s just false. And that’s exactly what I told my facilitator at the training I mentioned earlier.

I’m sure there are many more stereotypes of the Nigerian man but hearing them I can already tell that most of them are false. Am I biased? Maybe.