INFIDELITY: THE CURSE OF MEN?

The globe, as usual, is buzzing. Leak celebrity, Edward Snowden is still stuck in Moscow and the world wonders what his next play will be, the drama in Egypt gathers momentum following the military ousting of Mr. Morsy and the world hopes things don’t get bloody there again. Of course there’s Syria, Turkey, Brazil and their situations. And we hear the late Pope John Paul II is soon to be the latest Saint, according to the Roman Catholic Church-- by the way, I  mustn't forget to apologize for my ‘unsaintliness’: being absent for over a month, without your permission. Forgive me.

However, shall we briefly take a break from all this global drama, and direct our attention to drama more personal. Something a sizeable number of us adults have either inflicted or suffered, or both:  infidelity. Cheating.

                                         

 It readily appears-by observation, stereotype and tradition- that more men cheat than women, but the reality is not that clear-cut. According to research from the Archives of Sexual Behavior, women are just about as guilty of straying as men. Researchers had 918 men and women fill out an online questionnaire on whether or not they've cheated on their partners and why they did it. The results showed that 19 percent of women admitted to straying outside their relationship--that’s a five percent jump from the National Science Foundation’s General Social Survey in 2010. As for men , 23 percent of them reported cheating, up four percent since 2010. So, according to this research there’s only a four percent difference between the cheating statistics of men and women.

                                                   

That said though, when we compare the reasons why men cheat to the reasons why women cheat, we may naturally be more ‘understanding’ of the women, and unforgiving of the men, because the conventional wisdom for years has been that men seek quantity and women seek quality; in other words, men will cheat to have more sex, and women will cheat because they seek an emotional quality that is missing in their marriage ( even though more and more marriage counsellors and psychologists now say that most men, like women, cheat largely due to neglect and emotional deficits, than mere sexual desire).

Now, enough of statistics and postulations, let’s get personal. Let me get personal. First I’ll talk from a man’s perspective, and then from a Christian man’s perspective. As a man, I must tell you that not all of us men are the same. Some of us are naturally more sexually disciplined and focused, valuing commitment, responsibility and loyalty as near sacred virtues. These kind of men, when engaged or married do not go chasing skirts and searching for some action on the side.

Then there is the rest of us. Men, who may be responsible, who may also value loyalty and commitment, but it’s just when it comes to women, especially those that possess some physical endowments right in line with their taste, they just have to have some- at least they feel they do. (In case you’re wondering what category I belong, I’ll gladly tell you that here, but for the grace of Christ, go I).

Speaking as a Christian man now, I imagine the question may be asked  is there any man who has never felt tempted to cheat?  My answer is an emphatic No. Not any man I know.  Even the best of us, those in the first category (including those of us guided and helped by spiritual principles) may cheat, particularly when faced with a woman hell-bent and determined to get you! 

                                                       

Ask Derek in the 2009 movie, Obsessed.  Ask ex-President Clinton, ask spiritual Civil Rights leaders, Martin Luther King and Jesse Jackson,  ask Arnold Schwarzenegger, ask your husband, your pastor, ask…

Last Words

In my opinion, I consider it natural for men to sometimes find that they are physically attracted to other women than their spouses, but that we feel it, doesn’t mean we must act on it.

Some actions I think can help in saving us from cheating are:

1.     Resolve.

 I have met two guys, one, a former classmate in the university, and the other a housemate, who, though yet unmarried, have determined that once they marry, or get into stable relationships, they would brook no other close relationships with females. Such resolve will not always save, but it sure will help protect us from straying.

2.     Communicate.

I don’t see anything wrong in telling a fiancée or wife about someone else you are having a crush on, or sexual temptations you may be encountering.  For me, it’s a deliverer!

.Don’t Be Nice.

Sounds harsh, but in my little experience I've found out that going out of your way to be nice to somebody with whom you don’t feel ‘sexually safe’ will often only facilitate the fulfilment of your fears. That’s not saying you should be rude to them though.

3.     Avoid. Run.

If you really don’t want to do it, then sometimes you may have to avoid showing up somewhere, or being with someone.

At this juncture, I feel like saying some prayers:  

                                                     

I pray that God give you speedy healing and recovery, in case you are now at the receiving end of infidelity.

I pray you find the grace to forgive.

And lastly, I pray I always take my own advice.

 Amen.

Thanks for reading, do please leave a comment if you so desire.  Talk to you soon.